You are listening to Relationships Shouldn't Hurt, a podcast brought to you by Central Bedfordshire Council. During this series, you'll be able to hear us talk all things domestic abuse and raise awareness of the support available to those affected.
Hello and welcome to Central Bedfordshire Council podcast series Relationships Shouldn't Hurt. I'm Tracy and I work in the domestic abuse service in Central Bedfordshire Council, and I'm joined today by three colleagues who, as well as doing their day jobs, are also Domestic Abuse Responders.
Dan
Hi, I'm Dan and I work in the Safer Communities and Partnership Team as a Safer Communities Engagement Officer. I'm out and about in the community on a day-to-day basis, dealing with residents and town councils and councillors, day-to-day, providing advice and support where needed.
Lia
Hi, I'm Lia. I am a WAY practitioner. We are a small project based in Children's Services, and we support women that have had children removed from their care and are at risk of repeat removals. My job entails working intensely with individual mums that have come out the other end of court processes, and we support those with accessing many services, such as mental health and sexual health.
Jo
Hi, I'm Jo. I'm the other WAY practitioner. So I work alongside Lia, and, as Lia says, we work with women post removal of children. So we aim to support women to be able to change that cycle and make the positive changes going forward.
Tracy
Can I just ask, WAY, what does that stand for?
Lia
It stands for Walking Alongside You.
Tracy
Brilliant. Thank you. So we're here today to talk about Domestic Abuse Responders and for the rest of the conversation, I'm just going to refer to them as Responders. And the Responders all attend a two-day workshop where they learn about all aspects of domestic abuse and how and where to signpost people for help. And the reason behind that is because we know that on average, victims or survivors have to tell their stories to many different professionals. And we're hoping that by having a Responder in as many different areas across the council as possible, that we could reduce that need for repetition. The Responders are also there to offer information and guidance to the teams that they work within, they’re not necessarily case holders. And also, it's worth remembering that as a large organisation with over 2000 employees there are going to be victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse within the family of Central Bedfordshire. So within their teams, Responders raise awareness of domestic abuse, and within their localities, and can support colleagues who are also affected by domestic abuse themselves. And just a few statistics for you, we know that nationally, there is a call to the Police regarding domestic abuse every 30 seconds, and two women a week are murdered by a current or former partner, and that within a year 30 men are killed by a former partner or current partner as a result of domestic abuse. So, Jo, why did you want to become a Domestic Abuse Responder?
Jo
Well, I think when I cast my mind back thinking it would have been about 2018, initially I remember that Central Beds were doing a pilot scheme running for the Christmas appeal for donations for victims and survivors of domestic abuse. So it was something that was really keen on and just sort of to get a bit of insight into what Responders do and from then, really, to sort of broaden my knowledge and confidence in being able to respond confidently to victims and survivors and to be able to support them and their families. So, yeah, that's where I am with it at the moment.
Tracy
Thank you. Lia, what about you?
Lia
So I wanted to become a Domestic Abuse Responder, my main reason was because of my own personal experiences, and I felt I could really offer guidance and support to those who struggle to confide in family members, because it can be very difficult to confide in family members what you're going through, because they hold such a personal opinion. And I also wanted to gain more knowledge and be equipped with the correct info so I could signpost to those within Central Beds Council for the right support that they needed. So I think it just stemmed from my own personal experiences. And I feel I could install self-belief and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Tracy
That's lovely, thank you. Dan, what about you?
Dan
I think for me being a male, I think it meant raising that awareness about domestic abuse because male domestic abuse is under reported. So I think being a male Responder just sort of breaks that barrier down a little bit, and it just raises that awareness across the board and that if a guy wants to come and speak to another guy about it, then you know, they can. And it's easy to do that, they might not feel comfortable going to a female potentially. So, yeah, that's why.
Tracy
Excellent, thank you all very much for sharing. So since you’ve all become Responders, and you all did your workshop training at different times, is there anything that you can tell me that has shone out? That's made a difference since you've become a Responder.
Dan
Yeah. So since becoming a Responder, a lot of a lot of my work is with town councils within the Central Bedfordshire area. So since becoming a Responder, I have that knowledge that I can pass on to the town councils. And I also make the town councils aware of safe spaces and that they can provide these for survivors and victims of domestic abuse if they want to. And that the Domestic Abuse Responder training is available to those people as well, the councillors and the town councils.
Tracy
Thank you, and you mentioned a safe space. Can you tell us a little bit about what a safe space is please?
Dan
Yes, so a safe space is a dedicated space in an office, somewhere out the way maybe, or something that's a bit private. It's got access to a phone and the internet with all the contact numbers that anybody needs to get that initial help or advice that they need if they’re a victim or survivor of domestic abuse.
Tracy
Actually, just you mentioning that, and before we go to Lia and Jo, it just reminds me that on the Central Bedfordshire Council website at the bottom of every page there is a blue circle. And by clicking on that, that takes you to an online safe space, where people can access information and I think that's worth sharing to listeners as well. Jo, what is your response? What can you tell me about becoming a DA Responder?
Jo
Well, I think it's opened other doors for me. I'm able to obviously share information within my team about domestic abuse and what services are available. And since the beginning of this year, also sat or being part of the BRIF panel, which is Building Resilience In Families, and that's part of a multi-agency team which offer early interventions for children and families. So I’m sort of playing my part in that, and I attend twice a week in the North localities and provide information and signposting towards preventing and reducing escalation of incidents which may relate to domestic abuse. Towards the end of this year will be looking at putting together a programme around domestic abuse to support, it will be a universal programme, to support women and victims of domestic abuse, so hoping that will be rolled out in the new year.
Tracy
Excellent. And Lia, what about you?
Lia
Myself, I'm going to mirror what Jo said about the BRIF panels. Jo covers the North locality and I cover the South locality, and it's about coming together as a local authority and working in a multi-agency way to reduce domestic abuse escalating and getting to child protection or child in need level. And it's about signposting and giving the correct information so other agencies can get in very early. It doesn't matter what your job title is, what your pay grade is, anybody can experience domestic abuse.
Tracy
I suppose mirroring as well what you said earlier, Dan, about how male domestic abuse is not necessarily reported as much as domestic abuse against women. And I think it's really important as Responders that we really remind people that literally, I think, you have to be alive, that is the sort of category for becoming a victim/survivor of domestic abuse. It doesn't matter. As you said, you know, you just have to be a living, breathing person and you could become a victim of domestic abuse. Thank you all very much for that. So if anyone listening, who works for Central Bedfordshire Council or is a partner agency working with residents of Central Bedfordshire, was interested in becoming a Domestic Abuse Responder, then please contact us at BDAP@centralbedfordshire.gov.uk. So we've talked about the Central Bedfordshire website and later on I'd like to mention the Bedfordshire Domestic Abuse Partnership website, where there is a lot of information on there about support for anyone affected by domestic abuse. And also there are our previous podcasts on there available for people to listen to. So the other question that I had for each of you - is there anything that you would like to raise awareness of for anyone listening about something specific about domestic abuse?
Dan
Yeah, so I think one tip from me is that to raise awareness around Clare's law, this is a disclosure scheme which gives members of the public the right to ask if their partner has a history of violent or abusive behaviour. This can be done on Bedfordshire Police website, and there's a lot of information on there about that and how to go about that and what the information you can get and how that's kept confidential as well. I do have another tip as well, is that all of the community safety team and all the Officers are Domestic Abuse Responders. So if you see anyone walking around in your local area and they've got a green Domestic Abuse Responder lanyard on, then they're trained, you can ask them for help, advice, and they'll know exactly what to do as well.
Tracy
Thank you. And Lia.
Lia
My advice that I would give would be safety words, I feel like this is quite important because what I have found, people can be quite personal and private. So safety words amongst friends, family colleagues. If someone experiencing domestic abuse says that word you would know if they need immediate support and to help them access all the services that they need in that very moment.
Tracy
That’s a really good tip, thank you. Jo, what's your tip?
Jo
I suppose I'd say if you've got somebody that's currently in domestic abuse, see if you can get that opportunity to put some sort of safety plan in place for them in case things do escalate. Talk about the silent option phone number, if it's an emergency and they need to reach out straight away but are unable to speak, they're able to dial 999 and the operator will be able to listen and then give them the option to press 55 in case they can't talk if it's not safe. Reach out, really, just to Responders, friends, family if they can.
Tracy
But there is something else I'd like to ask you, and it's something that we do talk about during the Responders workshops, and that is about challenging. And I guess when I'm saying challenging, it's about being safe to challenge somebody, because I think we all, sometimes, we hear things that are said, that it's outside of work and it might be with mates or with family, that sort of thing. But people make comments, and it's about being able to challenge that and suggest that what they're saying is inappropriate and why. And I just wondered if that's anything that you've been able to do, if you feel confident to do?
Dan
Since obviously receiving the DA Responder training, it allows you to have that knowledge to be able to challenge peers or if you hear any comments that are being said that are incorrect or inappropriate. And yeah, it's just having that knowledge around that, and the most common one that I've heard is that domestic abuse is physical and that's it. And I think it's important that it's not just physical. There's many forms domestic abuse can take, and that's important to realise that you don't have to have bruises or cuts to be a victim or survivor of domestic abuse, and it's challenging that appropriately, which the training does allow.
Jo
As Dan says, it’s having those conversations, isn't it? And upskilling people as much as you can, providing the information that you've got. I had a case where I had a teenager that was displaying some quite controlling behaviours towards a parent, and she was unaware of what was going on. So just having those conversations, although they might not believe you or understand at that moment, it's setting that seed, isn't it? People don't always come forward with disclosures do they straight away, it's not an overnight thing, it's a process, isn't it? So it's about being available and being that trusted person that that person can come to.
Tracy
It's almost like you're a safe space yourself, aren't you? And I think the type of abuse that you just identified there, child or adolescent to parent abuse, it's really difficult to talk about because parents feel so judged.
Jo
Yes.
Tracy
Absolutely, thank you.
Lia
I think it's really important to have a level of confidence to be able to challenge statements that can be derogatory or inappropriate, because what we find that's most common is people at the knowledge that it comes across inappropriate or derogatory or offensive. So being a Domestic Abuse Responder has allowed me to gain that confidence to challenge people, and it's also allowed me to challenge those that are victims and survivors of domestic abuse, because sometimes they can be in denial, and it's really important if they don't get it the first time just to plant the seed, a gentle seed, because they will get it eventually. No one stays in the same situation, and they do get it eventually with the correct support and intervention in place.
Tracy
Thank you, that's really important. And thank you for raising that. I think for myself, one of the phrases that I often hear is, well if it was that bad, she would leave and that's so frustrating because, as we know, leaving a relationship where there's been domestic abuse is the most risky time. And if there's going to be any escalation or even worse, if there's going to be a domestic homicide, it could be at the point of leaving that relationship or afterwards. I think one of the other things that we should mention is we've talked a lot about victims and survivors of domestic abuse, but also Domestic Abuse Responders are there as well for people who perpetrate abuse, and they are there to guide and signpost people into support services. So it's really important that people are able to come forward and say, I'm feeling as though I might harm my family, and I don't necessarily mean it's going to be a physical assault or something like that. But they are very angry, they're shouting at family and sort of, I guess that sense of losing it a little bit and it will be important, you know, we really want to encourage people to step forward and look for support and help, because that's such an important thing to do to stand up and say, you know, I think I need some help because of how I'm behaving towards my loved ones. So you know that that is part of what we're all here for as well. So I said earlier on that I would talk about the Bedfordshire Domestic Abuse website, which I will do. But first of all, I'd like to say thank you very much to my three lovely guests, to Jo, to Dan and Lia, thank you all so much for joining me today and for being part of the podcast. So if you would like any information about local support in Bedfordshire, then please visit the Bedfordshire Domestic Abuse Partnership website. You can also follow us on Twitter and Facebook. The 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline is literally that, it is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. And the number is 08002000247. If you are ever in immediate risk, please call the Police on 999. And as Jo said earlier on, you could adopt the silent solution if it is unsafe for you to speak. So thank you all very much for joining me today.
Thank you for listening to Relationships Shouldn't Hurt. If you or someone you know has been affected by domestic abuse or the issues raised in this podcast, you can contact the 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 08082000247. You can also find lots of information about domestic abuse on our website, and if you're in the Bedfordshire area, you can find local support services on the Get Help page of this website. If you are in immediate danger, please call the Police on 999.